Princesses don't give blow jobs
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
