Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
