i think my tv is drunk
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want to make out with him forever
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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