Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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