I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
