Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
