He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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