matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Text me some of your sweat
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
