I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
