And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
