Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
