i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
