No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
