there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
