PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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