Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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