it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
