I think I won the penis lottery.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
