the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
