Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
