i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
