I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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