I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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