Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
