I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
