Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
