I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
