We're facebook friends in real life
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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