What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
