My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
