bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
