Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
