I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
