glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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