Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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