a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize