i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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