Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
