That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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