I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
