we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
