I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
