I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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