oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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