Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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