To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
