I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
