YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
