It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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