Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
