I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Mom said you looked used
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
