he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
