ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
