Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
