I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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