like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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