I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
