you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
