I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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