I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
