guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
