3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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