You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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