I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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