Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
