i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
