Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
