i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
