Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
