You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
