i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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