Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My dick has a subreddit
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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