Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I want a musical about memes.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
