are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
