It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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