She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
