when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
