we made out on top of his cat.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
