I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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