she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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