Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
