why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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