dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
