I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
