Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
