Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
