Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Less talking, more tequila
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
