come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You pole danced in your parka.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
