so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
