loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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